so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
