mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
