Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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