Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
