I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize