Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
