i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
