Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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