That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We need to get me chipped asap
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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