somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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