can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize