i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
