Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
