Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
