porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
