Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
