I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Will exercising make me less horny?
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