God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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