got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
