The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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