dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
