guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
