i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
