Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
