his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
