There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize