Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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