8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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