I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize