She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Watching her eat just hurts me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you never un-have a 4some
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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