so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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