So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
