If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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