I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
