Is it normal to miss your booty call?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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