I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
