I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
