I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
