I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
