We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
