She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize