I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
