ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
