So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
