i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
