I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
