Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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