Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
