you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Drunk is not a location!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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