even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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