I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
