He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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