I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
