remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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