Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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