The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
