So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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