There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
