He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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