allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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