how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
