Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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