You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
