First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
