ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
