So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
