I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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