I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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