You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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