I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
