Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
