i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How's work?
Spinning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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