Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
