some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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