You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
