don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
