the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
