youre lurking in front of me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize