On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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