I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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