i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
