Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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